


Kirkwall's Group Chat

by MinMaxSpeech



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Comedy, F/F, Group chat, Modern AU, References to Sex, Written mostly as a joke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-04
Updated: 2019-12-04
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:53:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21670045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MinMaxSpeech/pseuds/MinMaxSpeech
Summary: Varric creates a group chat for him and all his friends. This can only end well.(Modern AU, Female Hawke, Hawke together with Isabela and Merrill)
Relationships: Female Hawke/Isabela/Merrill
Comments: 7
Kudos: 19
Collections: Dragon Age Den fic collection





	Kirkwall's Group Chat

**Author's Note:**

> This was something I wrote mostly as a joke, so I apologise if the quality isn't up to par, but I really enjoyed doing this! 
> 
> Usernames for everyone (at the start)  
> HangedMan: Varric  
> Waffles: Hawke  
> Rivaini: Isabela  
> Daisy: Merrill  
> Broody: Fenris  
> Choirboy: Sebastian  
> Blondie: Anders  
> Red: Aveline  
> Junior: Carver  
> Sunshine: Bethany

_HangedMan has added Red, Daisy, Broody, Blondie, Rivaini, Junior, Sunshine, ChoirBoy, and Waffles to Chat._

Red: Varric, what the hell is this?  
HangedMan: A group chat.  
Red: Why?  
HangedMan: Figured it would be funny.  
HangedMan: Plus, you guys give great story material.  
Broody: This is gonna end horribly, you know that?  
Broody: I also do not appreciate the name you gave me, Varric.  
HangedMan: It suits you, though.  
Broody: Doesn’t mean I have to like it.

_Broody has changed their nickname to BlueWraith_

BlueWraith: That’s better.  
HangedMan: Suit yourself.  
Red: I thought you didn’t have a nickname for me, Varric?  
Junior: He probably gave you one just to complete the set.  
HangedMan: Guilty as charged.  
Sunshine: Oh, thank you for the name, Varric!  
HangedMan: It’s no problem!  
BlueWraith: You’d think that Hawke, Isabela, or Merrill would have seen this chat by now.  
Junior: What about Anders or Sebastian?  
BlueWraith: Anders is doing… some political shit, and Sebastian is at church, don’t expect to hear from them here for a while.  
BlueWraith: The other three being missing is weird cuz I know they’re around and they normally can’t be stopped from coming here.  
HangedMan: Good point.  
Red: Want me to head to Hawke’s place and see if they’re alright?  
Sunshine: I’ll go, I have a key.  
Junior: I don’t have one!  
HangedMan: RIP  
Red: Thank you, Bethany, I appreciate it.

_Sunshine has gone offline_

Junior: What now?  
Red: I wanna ask something.  
Red: Why do you and Bethany call Hawke by her surname?  
Red: You’re siblings and yet you only ever call her that.  
Junior: Just habit. Hawke’s always preferred her surname.  
Red: That’s still a bit weird.  
Junior: Trust me, I am aware.  
Junior: But what about our lives is actually normal?  
BlueWraith: He has you there, Aveline.  
Red: Shush.  
BlueWraith: I’d prefer not to.  
Red: Fenris, what are you even up to?  
BlueWraith: Talking with you lot, obviously.  
Red: I should have seen that answer coming, shouldn’t I?  
BlueWraith: You asked a question, and I answered it for you.  
BlueWraith: I can lie and say I’m ripping a man’s heart out through his chest, if you’d prefer.  
Red: Please don’t. 

_Sunshine has gone online_

Sunshine: PLEASE GOD DO NOT GO TO HAWKE’S PLACE  
Red: What’s wrong? Are they alright?  
Sunshine: I saw my sister doing things no sibling should ever see…  
Red: Oh god  
Red: I’m sorry, Bethany  
Sunshine: Thanks  
Sunshine: This is what I get for just walking in I guess  
Junior: I am suddenly very happy I do not have a key to Hawke’s house.  
Sunshine: You can have it if you want.  
HangedMan: This is what I mean by “you guys give great story material”.  
Sunshine: Glad to see at least some good will come from this.  
BlueWraith: I’ve read one of Varric’s books.  
BlueWraith: I don’t know if “good” would be a word I’d use to describe it.  
HangedMan: You wound me.

_HangedMan has changed BlueWraith’s nickname to Broody._

Broody: No.

 _Broody has left the chat_.  
_Red has added Broody to the chat._

Red: Fenris, don’t leave.  
Broody: Why?  
Red: I’d rather not suffer alone.  
Broody: …  
Broody: Fair.  
Red: Varric, change Fenris’ name back.  
HangedMan: He can’t do it himself?  
Broody: No, you’re the admin so I can’t alter things you change.  
HangedMan: Well, shit.  
HangedMan: One second.

_HangedMan has changed Broody’s nickname to Blue Wraith  
HangedMan has made Red, Sunshine, BlueWraith, Blondie, Choirboy, Daisy, Rivaini, and Waffles admins_

Junior: HEY!

_Sunshine has made Junior an admin_

Junior: Thanks, sister.  
Sunshine: No problem.  
Rivaini: Sup  
HangedMan: Not much. You should apologise to Bethany, by the way.  
Waffles: What’s Isabela done now?  
Waffles: Also why is this my nickname?  
HangedMan: She walked in on you, Merrill, and Isabela.  
HangedMan: And IDK, couldn’t think of much that fit you.  
Waffles: Shit.  
Waffles: Sorry, Bethany.  
Rivaini: Yeah, sorry  
Sunshine: Apology accepted. I should have knocked, anyway.  
Waffles: Probably for the best.  
Red: At least we all learned a valuable lesson from this shit.  
HangedMan: And I got a great idea for my next book.  
Sunshine: Please do not write about my sister sleeping with people, Varric.  
Rivaini: Please do write about my girlfriend sleeping with people, Varric  
HangedMan: Hawke, what do you think?  
Waffles: Go nuts.  
Sunshine: HAWKE.  
Waffles: Don’t use my name or anything, in the story, okay?  
HangedMan: Wasn’t going to.  
Waffles: Alright then.  
Sunshine: Why would you agree to that?  
Waffles: Cuz it helps Varric and it’s not like you have to read what he does.  
Sunshine: True.  
Red: I need to go, time for work.  
Choirboy: See you, Aveline.  
Rivaini: Nice to see you, Sebastian  
Choirboy: Likewise, Isabela. Let’s see what I missed.  
Sunshine: I wouldn’t recommend it.  
Choirboy: Yep, that was a mistake.  
Junior: You can’t say she didn’t warn you.  
Choirboy: Very true.


End file.
